I keep seeing posts from Stay at Home Mums (SAHM) who want to say that parenting is the hardest job in the world and they work hard on a daily basis.
I’m currently a SAHM but is it a job? Really?
No – it’s a choice, it’s a vocation – it certainly isn’t a job.
By definition a job is: “a piece of work, especially a specific task done as part of the routine of one’s occupation or for an agreed price”
By definition a job is: “a piece of work, especially a specific task done as part of the routine of one’s occupation or for an agreed price”
Yes it can be stressful, rewarding, frustrating and fun like work but that still doesn’t make it a job!
Running a house and organising the children is a skill that can be taken into the workplace and if you have ever worked whilst trying to run the house and organise the kids you will know now difficult it really is.
Parents that work have the stress of work PLUS running a home and family. The washing / ironing / cleaning / homework just doesn’t vanish just because you are at work (unless you earn that much you can afford to pay someone to do it all for you). I remember we used to catch up on our days off, which often mean’t not spending any time with the children.
As parents we all do our best for our children whether we have work or not -taking them on adventures, teaching them to walk, talk, read and write. As employees we have targets to hit, deadlines to adhere to and reviews to improve our performance – now that is a job!
Parents that work have the stress of work PLUS running a home and family. The washing / ironing / cleaning / homework just doesn’t vanish just because you are at work (unless you earn that much you can afford to pay someone to do it all for you). I remember we used to catch up on our days off, which often mean’t not spending any time with the children.
As parents we all do our best for our children whether we have work or not -taking them on adventures, teaching them to walk, talk, read and write. As employees we have targets to hit, deadlines to adhere to and reviews to improve our performance – now that is a job!
This is so true! I was a SAHM for the first 2years of my daughters life and I thought that was difficult. I’ve now been working full time for a year and it is 10x harder than anything I’ve ever done.
I can appreciate things from both sides, and whilst being a full time home maker is exhausting and mental, it is nothing compared to having to do all of that AFTER a 9 hour shift. I would quite happily rejoice in becoming a SAHM!
I think it is easy to forget how difficult it is juggling when you don’t do it everyday. If you are a working parent you still have to manage on an hours sleep if you have a poorly child AND to a days work at the office – not easy!
oh yes. This just this!!!!
I disagree to an extent. I’ve been a working mum and stay at home mum. Yes while working I had to come home and do the chores and try to have quality time with my child, but as a stay at home mum I still find myself doing the chores in the evening when the kids are in bed. Of course if they were all at school being a stay at home mum would be a breeze….but by then I shall be back to working mum. And if anyone can advise on how to clean bathrooms bedrooms floors do washing shopping decorating changing beds etc etc while toddlers are home demanding attention and needing quality stimulation please let me know. I find my days are full of children’s activities, not housework.
I agree it can still be tough fitting things in, but it isn’t a job at the end of the day. When working as a childminder I have to do the quality stimulation when they are with me, but once they have left my care I have to follow the EYFS which sets out the standards for the learning, development and care of children from birth to five years old. It focuses on areas like communication skills, physical and emotional development, and numeracy and literacy and make written plans for how I am going to support the child and then review the session afterwards with next steps, photos etc. Plus there are the accounts, tax etc to do as well as the “home stuff”
I wouldn’t change being a SAHM for the moment as I want to spend time with Sebastian and help him grow and develop, but it just isn’t a job.
When I first became a mum I thought it was the hardest thing in the world ever. Ever! I compared it wih my job but I agree being a mum isn’t a job….you can’t really give it up for a start 🙂 then I went back part time and I thought that was the hardest thing ever, juggling it all. I think I’ve found my plate spinning technique now. Almost!
i have to fit all that in at the weekend (when my husband goes to work) and I enjoy my only time off with my 2 kids. It’s not easy but you get used to it.
The juggling is probably the hardest part and I am sure I have dropped many a ball in my time
I don’t think parenting is a job however you do it – I LOVE posts like this because it says what I’m thinking but can’t manage to eloquently put across. That isn’t to say being a stay at home mum isn’t hard work, I imagine it must be, but it’s not a job. It just isn’t.
My argument is a little weak compared to yours 😉
Thank you. It is hard work and can be immensely challenging, especially when the small people get you up a ridiculous o’clock, but I get up with them because hubby would struggle to function at work if he did!
I’m so pleased you posted this. I was actually mentally composing my own blog post (on route to school pick up) when I read it.
Spurred on now to write my post 🙂
Would love to read it – please tag me in xx
Yer not a job – harder work though! x
Not sure it is harder work, but then it depends what job you do!
Not a job, but it has its challenges. I worked after we had our daughter and now that we have two children I am a sahm. There is still housework to do after the kids go to bed. Although when they are at nursery nursery/childminder all day, the house doesn’t get so messy. And when I worked we could afford a cleaner once a week. But being a sahm means I don’t ever feel like I am missing out on the kids growing up. I feel like there’s more running around/multi-tasking when you work, but more of an everyday grind when you’re at home. Whether you work full-time, part-time, or a sahm, you’re busy and some bits are more rewarding than others. All we can do as parents is do the best with whatever situation we’re in, and try not to judge others.
I like the way you sum it up. As a sahm I feel so degraded and posts like this only serve to enhance my feelings of worthlessness. Well bloody why are we paying so much for childcare if caring for and adequatley stimulating children is so easy! I’ll insist on free childcare then . It’s not a choice. I would rather work as I actually found being a working mum easier….by a long shot. Money, earnings, self worth, an accepted place in society no one looked down on me then. On the plus side my little ones have had me not a cold stranger during their younger years
California Mum – I agree about the everyday grind, I try and get out and about as I get bored of staring at my four walls and I also find the kids are better behaved if they have some fresh air in their lungs. My house was also messier when I was working, but I guess that was because I had teens and they don’t do tidy!
Karen – I am not having a go at SAHM’s at all, after all I am one myself. I think the role is an essential one and yes it is very much not appreciated by today’s society.
What I am trying to put across is the fact that I don’t think working parents are appreciated too and in my own opinion and from my own personal experience being a working parents is a lot harder and a lot more stressful, plus you have the guilt of being there for your children. Many a school play has been missed and you cannot go back and do it over again.
Working parents these days are put on a pedestal and definitely ranked higher in society than stay at home mums, particularly if the stay at home mum relies on some benefits to top up money. Whether or not their children appreciate it or not is a different matter. Society loves working couples. It’s not like the 70’s anymore where it was normal for women to stay home. And those that work make the choice to work. I made a choice to work when S was a baby and young child. I missed all his Xmas plays sports days and other activities because money came first. (My ex’s decision not mine). I dearly wanted to stay home. Still that’s in the past and I can never get that time back.
I don’t think working parents are put on a pedestal, I just think people do what they need to to survive these days. I am very lucky that we are in the situation where I can stay at home, but I do really miss work – even when I was doing a few hours a week it was my time as I got adult interaction and used my brain. With hubby’s insane hours and 2 children that would need to be in childcare I cannot afford to work, especially as we would get no help. For now my college course is keeping my brain ticking over, but once my two are at school I will be back in the workplace, for my own sanity.
I think being a stay at home mum is very demanding. Working and also looking after your children is also very demanding. It’s the parenting bit that the hard part – whether you work full-time, part-time or don’t work but look after your children full-time, although it may have slightly different challenges. Do I see looking after my son as ‘work’ – personally I don’t. I think being a parent is a role that is not valued enough though. At the end of the day we all want the best for our children, whether you are a SAHM or go out to work.
maybe i’ve sat on the fence here lol
Hee hee Melissa – not on the fence at all, it is a very good point – it is very demanding and being a parent is definitely a challenge
A very interesting post. I have to agree that being a SAHM isn’t a job per-say however it is my chosen role in live, even though it is very undervalued. ( I have been a full time working single mom and to be fair it was actually easier than being at home all day with the children).
I hate having to explain why I am not working and really shouldn’t have to. The reactions when I tell people I am going to still be a sahm once the kids are all at school is generally one of horrified shock. However I feel that my kids need someone to be at home when they finish school rather than being sent to various after school clubs. I will find some way of earning from home and have the best of both. A bit of a ramble sorry.
I fully respect SAHM’s but actually hate that title – don’t like “home maker” either. I think everyone should be free to make their own choices and not be judged as I said above, it is a very under-valued role
Being a SAHM is difficult…..i was made redundant and currently a SAHM….I actually hated being a SAHM mum at first, felt so lost not going to work, and frankly just getting out of the house.
I agree its not a ‘job’ as such. But doesn’t make it any less demanding….but it is more rewarding.
It is very rewarding. Sorry to hear you were made redundant, hubby felt very much the same as you when he was made redundant, thankfully he found something quickly, but it has mean’t that I can no longer work (if I wanted to) due to his hours!
I think the phrase “hardest job in the world” is used as a descriptor rather than a label. I use it myself, because really, being good carer is the hardest thing I’ve ever achieved.
That said, of course it isn’t a job, it’s a way of life.
I think you have summed it up perfectly!
Oh dear – one of those very controversial topics.
I do a bit of a mixture – working three days a week and looking after D the other two. Both are very hard in different ways. Both are also very rewarding in different ways!
I agree……I miss having a bit of me time, even if it is at work!
Totally agree – it’s hard work but it’s not a job, a chore – it’s the best 🙂
I am a SAHM and i am happy to take on everything in the house etc as my husband works HARD! I am so lucky to be able to able to stay at home with them and wouldn’t change it for the world x
I’ve always thought parenting was a life choice rather than a job. As a new mum, I am scared about the prospect of returning to work, but finances don’t give us much of a choice 🙁