All relationships go through ups and downs, and many couples struggle with connection, communication, and intimacy. However, bringing children into the world can sometimes exacerbate these problems, particularly when the focus shifts from the needs of each other to another human that requires much of your time and energy. While challenging to reignite the relationship spark after welcoming a new baby, you might be able to do it in some of the following ways:
Confirm the Cause of Low Libido
While it’s easy to say that the birth of a child is causing you to avoid being intimate with your spouse, bringing back the post-baby spark can require you to dig deep and find out if you can identify anything specific.
There can be many causes of low libido in women, such as poor body image, stress, depression, and anxiety. Even inadequate sleep, an unhealthy diet, and a lack of exercise can contribute. New parents have an overwhelming set of responsibilities, but identifying specific causes might allow you to address them sooner rather than later.
Don’t Use Your Children As an Excuse
You likely chose to have children because you wanted to start a family with the love of your life. Don’t forget that when you think about using your children as an excuse not to make an effort with your spouse.
While children are undoubtedly a contributing factor for couples to have far fewer intimate interactions than before, they shouldn’t be an excuse to avoid them altogether. Think about why you chose to start a family in the first place, and let that reason help you both keep the passion alive.
Try Something New In the Bedroom
Routines can be important for children, especially relating to bedtime and bathtime. However, the ‘sameness’ of daily life can soon take its toll, and it’s easy to feel like everything you do forms part of a standard routine.
Try something new in the bedroom, and you might be surprised by how easy it can be to bring back the spark after your new family addition. New positions and locations can both be exciting, especially when you and your spouse don’t typically stray from what you know.
Plan Date Nights
Before having kids, planning a spontaneous night out with friends or going on a fun vacation was easy. You didn’t have to think about ensuring anyone else’s needs were met but your own. Now that spontaneity is less straightforward, it’s easy to stop doing the things that bring you closer together as a couple.
Spontaneity might not be an option, but you can still plan date nights to prioritize your position as a couple rather than just parents. Build a relationship with a babysitter or childcare provider you trust, and set aside a day or night each week to do the things you love. You don’t have to stop going to sports games, your favourite restaurants, movie theatres, and local tourist attractions just because you’re now a parent.
Bringing back the spark after having a baby isn’t easy, especially when you’re both trying to adjust to having such a huge responsibility outside of yourselves. However, trying new things, planning date nights, and identifying causes of low libido might be how you start getting your relationship back on track.